LONELY GUY

You would never guess it.

I was happy at work, everyone knows my name, everyone sees me as this outgoing, nice guy who really has it together. It’s ironic, because they would never guess that while everyone says merrily to each other, “Happy Friday!”.   I’m secretly dreading the fact that I’ll have another long weekend, bored and alone. 

I used to be happy.

I become extremely irritated when people say, “Oh my god, I have become such a loser after university- tee hee!” and then a day later you see them on Instagram/Facebook out with a group of friends that must have just mysteriously come out of nowhere.

I cannot even explain how many times I’ve said out loud to myself, “I don’t even know why I have a fucking phone as no one texts me.” And it’s true. My phone are solely my emails and internet.  I can go days at a time with no texts. I look at other people on the subway/shopping malls/bars who are typing away on their phones, buzzing with conversations, fulfillment, human interaction.

So, you may think I am getting ready for a night on the town. But I am sitting on my couch narrowing down my food delivery options on my laptop. The door will knock, and it only ever knocks for takeout that I order too much. I’ll sit here, hovering over the terrible comfort food, wolfing it in my mouth like a monster.

Then, when it’s all gone, I’ll curl back into my couch, my stomach full but heart empty. I willl think, what now? I look at clock, see the time is 10:00 PM — guess it is time for bed. I will always wonder how many people are like me.

And I wonder how long this loneliness will last.