MY HEART DEFLATED

Where do I begin ?

Went to birthday party for my good friend,

Hoping her feelings for me are different,

Was too busy meeting other friends,

Sad to be alone and

      My heart deflated.

Tried to talk to other people,

Too noisy and crowded,

Too confusing with other conversations,

Left nodding my head and laughing with others,

Without understanding,

     Felt sadness for not connecting.

Tried to make conversations with other ladies,

Especially one-on-one, worked better,

Simulating conversations,

Enjoying that brief moment of clarity,

Before she moved on other guys,

     My heart deflated again.

Onto the Product Night Club,

Tried to dance with my birthday girl,

Not interested as she has an eye on someone else,

Left confused and,

     Sadness over this slight rejection..

Tried to get another friend to dance with me,

Claimed does not dance,

And yet did the real sultry dance with another guy later,

Honestly is all I asked for,

      My heart deflated again.

Tried to get some strangers to dance with me,

Feights no interest, claims to be with someone,

Danced all alone on the stage – highlight moment of night.

Hoping to catch some eye of the lady.

No one approached.

      My heart deflated again.

Drove my birthday girls and close buddies to hotel,

Happy that Birthday Girl is on Cloud Nine,

Presents guarded, Leftover Food guarded, Winter jackets and purses guarded,

My heart felt happy as the beautiful radiant smile appears as she thanks me again.

      My heart feels healed as her smile outshines the moon.

Home at 3:30 AM … wondering what I did wrong.

Cracked open Coors Lights and tried to think.

Either I am unattractive or they are uncomfortable with my disability or I am just plain boring person,

     Tired and Sad.

All I want is peace in my soul.

            To end my heartache, and frustration in inability,

All I want an amazing girl who can brighten my life and its outlook,

           This amazing birthday girl is one of kind who can bring me out of my dark shadows.

All I want is honorable job which can bring me calm and steady work,

            To properly gain honor and more important respect

All I want is a simple but amazing lady who can bring my out of my deep funk

            To bring calm and peace in my life.

Time to go to sleep and my dreams is the alternative lives for which we all want.

Alternatives lives is what I dream for.

Dream is what I seek for my life is perfect.

By some miracle get a chance to re-do my life to shape it for years to come.

Feeling sad...

Feeling my heart hangs heavy,

Feeling the after effects of alcohol,

Time to go to sleep.

For some slight hope, that tomorrow might be a better day.