These days it is so hard to hang out with friends ...
Cannot find friends to do daring stuff like hang gliding, parachute jumping, scuba diving etc.
Since I do not have a job, those daring stuff are kaput and probably for good.
I am not like others who can do it on their own.
Not too comfortable doing things alone and yet want to try those stuff.
Cannot find friends to understand what I am battling.
Even now my brother does not seem to understand depression.
Medication only controls what I am feeling - anger, sadness and despair.
But does not eradicate it.
Cannot talk to brother for just talk it out.
Brother somehow seems to switch the blame to me.
For not having a backup plan when I quit my job.
For being accuse of "deadbeat" when I want to apply for disability benefits.
Cannot find friends just to talk it out.
Very few people knows about my depression.
Refused to reveal to others for fear of stigma.
If my brother cannot understand me, then what chance do others.
The oddest thing is I am more happy being alone hiding in my condo.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of not understanding conversation.
Fear of being labelled "Deaf and Dumb"
Should I be afraid of my future ?
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