GOING OUT OF CONTROL...

Sorry for not staying in touch...

A lot of things has happened since my last post.  

Good news first...
~ Got a job working underground as a Poker Dealer
~ Got a job working at CNE casino @ Toronto
~ Ease the pressure on money issues.
~ Made some cool friends who are Brazil fans and enjoyed cheering with them during the World Cup.  Now I understand the reason of going to the bars and supporting with your country with such passion.  Sad part, it took me this long to figure it out.  I still blame my father for this.

Bad news...
~ Flunk the poker test @ CNE casino as I did not take the control of my own table.  Hurts my ego and confidence as to whether I can handle it.
~ Lost my wallet last Thursday and screwed up my plans on Friday as I had to scrambled to get replacement cards necessary for day to day.  More importantly missed my neat Obtainium wallet.  Am still struggling to figure out as to how I lost it as I am very careful on these stuff.  Haven't lost my wallet or critical cards since I was a teenager.  Am I going crazy, old and senile ?  Do I have control over my stuff anymore ?
~  More job rejects ... really hurts as you would think with my 18 years experience would count for something.  I guess being hearing impaired and having halitosis (bad breathe) turns a lot of employers off.
~ Still have not applied for disability support as I am not getting the support I need for my close friends and brother.  I guess they hate the idea of me getting "free money" from the government.
~ More date rejects...just getting the first date is getting harder and doesn't do me any good for my own soul...learning new jokes does not seem to help...I guess being nice guy do not help at all.

Last couple of days has been very emotional for me.  With constant date rejects, job rejects, and losing the wallet has wreaked my confidence and made me more mad at the world in general.  Got into a couple of "road rage" over the weekend.  Just could not control my feelings/emotions.  

So frustrating that I cry myself every night...That is why I drink, smoke, Netflix and sleep...just to escape reality and into my fantasyland.

I am thinking of getting cut Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest...it does not do me any good to see other people having fun and getting married and whatnot.

More likely it will be my last post.  Just do not see the point of continuing this anymore as only one friend helps me.  Yep not even my brother help me.